im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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