I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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