Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
