yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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