You're completely useless in the revolution.
we made out on top of his cat.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
