In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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