all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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