Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
