there's paper in my vomit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
