Plan B is the new Plan A
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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