i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
