I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
