His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
