Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
