Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Mom said you looked used
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
