Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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