Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
