WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
