he was CRYING into my vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
