A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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