woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
