Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
