oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
