my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
