If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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