The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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