Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
