My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
