chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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