I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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