I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
