how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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