I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
