we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
