i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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