He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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