So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
