you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
