It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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