Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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