Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
