Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
