well you can't waste a boner
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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