kristin has been a bad kristin
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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