you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
