How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
