I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When are your genitals available?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
