I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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