took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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