I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
