if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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