i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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