john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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