This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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