saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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